we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
