it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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