You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
