Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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