He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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