Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
