I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
