She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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