I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
barbara walters just said penis...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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