My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
