just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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