Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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