spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
