Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
