It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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