when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
