Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
