I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize