i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
