why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize