I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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