You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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