can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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