I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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