dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
