News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
