you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
