I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
