Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im six kinds of drunk right now
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
