I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
