Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize