He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
