either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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