It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
