just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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