State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
