shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
