not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No subtext here. People are naked.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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