Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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