Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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