Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
