Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize