Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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