Banned from zoo.
Again?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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