well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
