You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
oh god the rape fog is back!
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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