Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
