Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
