Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
