sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
