So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
