that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
