Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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