The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
