hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
