his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
