I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
