I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
