He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize