when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
