If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
