Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
