I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
