Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
