my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
