my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
