he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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