Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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