you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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