who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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