JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
